Every time we lose somebody it is shocking. It's jarring. And a suicide feels especially surreal. These public people that we all feel a little ownership of even though we may not know them... The ones that touched us. It hurts.
Its hard to have seen it coming. Maybe it's impossible. Even if you know somebody personally, a friend, your family, even if you know they are in trouble. Just look at Andy Spades note on his late wife... They had issues, she had her own as well, like any person does, and they were working through them. But it I'm sure it feels like he's been hit by a truck. Blindsided. How could it not?
For both Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain, outwardly they seemed to have incredible successful lives. Bourdain was literally globetrotting, eating the best food all over the Earth. Even I had a Kate Spade bag (Jack Spade). Her work touched most everyone. Reading about their family and friends, their personal lives seem pretty great as well. Which only adds to the shock. The people around them, closest to them, often didn't know the truth or depth of their own struggles. And I find it a sort of sad reality of being a person that:
As well as you know anyone, there's a lot you can just never know.
We communicate, some things get through, other things you only half understand. Partial understanding, generalities. Maybe what we perceive is correct, or at least in the generally area, but we never really get the whole picture. It's people misinterpreting or misunderstanding each other all over. Its missed connections all over the world.
My family unfortunately had to deal with a suicide in the last couple years. For us there was an attempt, a close call... And this person had family come to aid them, professional counseling. It was a serious wake up call. All hands on deck for us. And we thought that was the path out. They got help. We were there for them. It was scary and serious but they would be okay. And yet we were wrong. They tried again, and this time successfully.
And so even knowing there was a serious problem, and there was a whole family reaching out, concerned. Everyone trying to help, to offer a kind ear or understanding; This person still left us. We couldn't save them.
I don’t know what the lesson in that is really. I guess just that we should be kind to each other. To know that everyone is dealing with a lot more than we can hope to know. Even and especially people close to us. Even when you've been given ample warning that they are hurting or need help.
Be excellent to each other. Take a deep breath of appreciation for those you love in your life. They are all so precious.
And if you need help, if you are having a hard time, know that the people around you care about about much more than you can understand in the same way. Talk to someone. People do care about you. I promise.